Time for a Checkup?

Posted by Debbie Dragon on May 19, 2009

My kids (ages 6 and 3) had doctor appointments today. Just their annual physicals, no big deal.

After only about 5 minutes of waiting in the toy room, we were brought into the exam room. The nurse proceeded to do all that preliminary stuff – blood pressure, weight, height, can they hop on one foot? Then she made the mistake of telling the 6 year old she would have to take blood from his finger. He immediately begins to freak out, having the 6-year-old equivalent to an anxiety attack. I tried explaining it’s just a little prick on the finger, and it’d be over before he knew it, but he wasn’t having it. He asked a thousand questions as the nurse prepared her torture tools, his eyeballs practically rolling out of his head he had them open so wide at the sight of the little plastic tube she was going to use to collect a drop of blood. Poor kid!

So we got through the finger pricking with only a few tears, and then I’m asked to bring the kids to the bathroom to collect some urine in a cup. Riiiiiiiiight.

Well, the 3 year old watched his big brother do this with great interest. When it was his turn, he surprised me by agreeing to try (he’s not potty trained yet) and actually getting some in the cup! I was just about to congratulate him and return the cup to the little hole in the wall for the nurse to pick up when he decides it is so exciting he can’t contain himself and grabs the cup with the pee in it from my hands and throws it on the floor.

Ok then.

So I clean it up and give it one more try, knowing the magical experience of peeing in the cup was only a one-time thing for him, and of course he couldn’t pee again. So back to the exam room we go.

The kids are now asked to get down to their underpants to wait for the doctor. This is when the real fun begins. The waiting. For the next 40 minutes as we wait for the doctor to come in….

The 3 year old rearranged the furniture several times, turned lights on and off a hundred times. Yes, I was right there. Yes, I was trying to play a game with them, who can sit still the longest?? Who can balance their shoe on their knee without it falling off while sitting in the chairs? But my 3 year old is faster than Lightening McQueen and as I’m returning a chair and a stool back to their places, he’s got the lights off and is out in the hall way of the doctor’s office trying to weigh his brothers pants on the scale.

As I’m returning the clothes and child back to the exam room to wait our turn for the doctor, the older child is using his socks as surf boards, and has created a game out of running from one side to the other and sliding into the walls. This of course excites the 3 year old who decides to take part in this amazing game of skill after slamming the exam door closed behind him- only he takes off in the opposite direction and they collide in the middle, collapsing in a heap on the floor.

I convince them both to sit in the chairs for a few minutes to see who can sit still the longest. The 6 year old is quite good, although his fingers and toes were twitching uncontrollably, and the giggles wouldn’t stop coming out. The younger child… well… he did manage to put his butt in the chair for about three minutes at a time, but his legs were swinging and kicking the garbage can, his arms and hands were pushing his brother and reaching for the light switch, and his head was moving all over the place as he searched for his next project. Unable to find anything left unturned, he decides it’s a good time to practice his ABCs.

He sings at the top of his lungs, in his best Trent Reznor impression. Big brother, not wanting to be left out of the show, slaps his hands on his bare legs in time to the music, which of course seems to be amplified as the sound bounces off the walls of the exam room.

Finally, after about 40 excruciating minutes of waiting, the doctor comes in and completes their physicals (all while the older child has uncontrollable giggles for some reason, and the younger insists he’s not sick and doesn’t need a doctor).

Now I think it’s time for Mommy’s mental check up.