Where Is Your Happiness?

Posted by Tisha Tolar on November 5, 2008

I am reading a novel by Jodi Picoult and in it, she writes a statement from a character that says: “There are two ways to find happiness: improve your reality or lower your expectations”. Once I read that, I put my novel down and logged on. I don’t know if this is a real statement from somewhere else or if Jodi made it up herself, but I was so struck by how very true that statement is.

I have always been a huge believer in improving your reality. I know no other way. Lowering my expectations is not a concept I understand at all. Maybe that is what gives me that entrepreneurial spirit I treasure. Maybe this is what keeps me going day after day, year after year, with full belief that the things I am creating will be noticed and will be prosperous for me. I have worked so hard to get where I am today and sometimes it still hardly seems real that I am here – it seems more like it’s natural – like this is my path. That is a good feeling. Hell, it’s a GREAT feeling. But i got here because I kept improving my realities. I didn’t take no for an answer. I didn’t care when people insulted me (intentionally or otherwise). All I cared about was taking the next step – and not stepping on others in the process – well, unless they stepped on me first.

Lowering your expectations may be the way you function but I can’t say I understand how that will take you to where you what to go. My expectations are a strong inner pull that I feel I can only listen to but never change. When I first read this statement, I thought immediately of Trisha, who has done a 180 in her life and her thinking. She was not ever one to toot her own horn but would do anything for you. She has worked so hard to turn around her thinking and really imagine the possibilities of a better life on her terms – and she isn’t taking no for an answer. No offense to Trish, but in the beginning she wasn’t very aggressive. She really wanted to be happy working for someone else, living a simple life, and not stepping out of the box. But in her heart, she knew that wasn’t going to work for her. She had trouble seeing the big picture at first but dang it, she stuck with it. Went through the self-doubt, went through the fear – and she came out on the other side. She sees now how things start to fall into place with effort. What she once thought she could never do (write) – she now does every day, does it well, and thinks nothing of it. She is now only thinking of the next big thing…

I would be remiss if I did not bring up the Presidential election. I am pretty sure Barack Obama didn’t win by lower his expectations or by letting people tell him “No you can’t”. Whether you voted for him or not, you have to appreciate the spirit and the dedication to moving forward and improving his realities, and the realities of all African-Americans, Americans, and the world-at-large. The celebrations were bigger than New Year’s Eve and I pray that those scences are glimpses of the unity, the change, and the big picture of what it is to come. We all know that we need something to change, across the nation as well as in our own minds. Now is a great time to go towards your “big picture”. Let it fill the screen and don’t be afraid to change the scenes as you see fit. Don’t let anyone direct your big picture but you.

I hope change is coming and in my heart I believe it is. So today ask yourself, Where is YOUR happiness?

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